Having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card…or a few hours free to binge-watch episodes of Arthur. This PBS children’s show is the second-longest running animated series behind only The Simpsons. For twenty-two seasons, viewers have followed the adventures of Arthur Read, a literature-loving aardvark, and his friends and family. From its zippy Ziggy Marley theme song to its culturally relevant humor, Arthur is comfort food to both kids and adults alike.
Everyone has their favorite character, but perhaps the most beloved is D.W. Read, Arthur’s sister. With a thirst for power and the fuse of a cherry bomb, D.W. is by far the most maniacal preschooler ever to grace television airwaves. She really makes the case as to why being a perpetual four-year-old is awesome—old enough to express yourself, but able to get away with being wildly unfiltered. D.W. is a gem at any time, but especially on those days when things just aren’t going your way and you need that boost to get your sassy pants on. Here is Arthur: 10 Sassiest Quotes From D.W. That Are A Big Mood Booster.
10. “That sign won’t stop me because I can’t read.”
Everyone has limitations in life; even D.W. But do you think she lets them get her down? Heck no. D.W. is the CEO of her life and her limitations are her underlings. She makes them work for her. Not being able to read means that there’s a world of written rules that are D.W.’s for the breaking.
Sneaking into your older sibling’s room provides the sort of adrenaline rush that could only ever be matched by sneaking into a restricted section of the White House—which D.W. has also done. Arthur may be older, but when it comes to the savagery of sibling battle, he’s completely outgunned.
9. “I’m sick of sunshine.”
Have you ever secretly hated something everybody else loves? Maybe you go along with it so you won’t be left out or look like a party-pooper? Well, D.W. is here to tell you, forget that noise. By bottling up rage, you may think you’re controlling it, but all you’re doing is ensuring it’ll explode at the most inopportune time. Do you really want to lash out at the poor Starbucks barista who forgot to give you your quarterback? No. So let that anger out like a proper four-year-old.
Then there are times when your fiery dislikes are mood-dependent. D.W. wasn’t invited to a classmate’s birthday party, which is the bottom of life’s barrel when you’re a kid. Hence, the disgust for sunny weather, or anything pleasant at all. Is it too much to ask that Mother Nature get the memo when we’re in a bad mood? D.W. doesn’t think so, and neither should we.
8. “I’m too tired to think of any more mean things to say.”
Being a boss like D.W. doesn’t mean she’s never vulnerable. This is another quote from the birthday party episode, so the poor girl’s had a rough week. She also just fired off a series of insults like bullets out of a machine gun. That takes some serious mental stamina. D.W. needs her rest and she isn’t afraid to say so.
Why would she want company if she’s unable to verbally pulverize them into oblivion? Usually, when we have our “I can’t even” days, people get the message and steer clear. For those who don’t, never be afraid to level with them, D.W. style.
7. “Nothing tastes as sweet as revenge.”
Have we mentioned that D.W. is four? She’s a little young to be this cynical but that’s what makes her so…awesome. Look, it’s all well and good to embrace your inner peace goddess and let problems roll off your back like raindrops, but the truth is that most bullies don’t know what “namaste” means. You need to speak their language.
When D.W. gets a bad haircut, she’s in the pit of despair that can only be reached after a terrible new ‘do. Sadly, she’s also at the mercy of the Tibble twins, a pair of melon-headed miscreants at her preschool. Given her traumatic experience, D.W. is forgiven for not being able to use her words to tear the Tibbles to shreds. But after taking some me time, D.W. gets back on the insult horse. After all, she isn’t one to overstay her welcome at a pity party. Not when there’s rights to be wronged and Tibbles to be destroyed.
6. “That’s your after-school snack? No wonder those are your husky pants.”
Whether you’re the world’s sassiest aardvark or not, body-shaming is not cool. But for real, there are garbage trucks who have better eating habits than Arthur, and if somebody’s going to say something, it’s D.W. The boy has been known to shovel an entire cake into his mouth and in this instance, is about to consume what looks like the inventory of a wholesale grocery store. Sometimes it’s the things we don’t want to hear that we have to hear the most.
To her credit, D.W. isn’t all spice and no sugar. After getting schooled by his sister, Arthur starts to exercise more and he no longer needs his husky pants. This earns him a high-five from D.W. Isn’t that what siblings are for?
5. “Now I know what true power feels like.”
D.W. has spent the past twenty-two years illustrating the infinite upside to being four. The one downside? Not much in the way of control over your own life. That’s why D.W., ever the opportunist, takes her wins when she can. Ever at the age of four, it’s rare that you’ll find a person becoming quite so drunk with power over getting a library card, but that’s why D.W. is a visionary.
Her brother Arthur may sing about the joys of possessing a library card, but he uses it for pedestrian things like checking out books; D.W. uses hers for an ego boost. So the next time you feel like your life is out of control, head over to your local library and get some power back. Maybe laugh maniacally so the librarians and readers know who they’re dealing with. D.W. would.
4. “My allowance was raised to a gazillion dollars.”
Money may not buy happiness, but in some circles it sure buys status. The Real Housewives franchise. Keeping Up With the Kardashians. And then there’s Elwood Community Preschool. When D.W. is given her first allowance, she thinks she’s died and gone to 1% heaven. Then her world shatters like a Fabergé egg when she discovers that the Tibbles have a bank account, and Emily’s allowance is 25¢ higher than hers. Next to her classmates, D.W. is one skipped meal away from becoming Oliver Twist.
Anyone who says kids today have no gumption need only look to D.W. The girl can hustle. In an effort to bump herself up to her pals’ wealth bracket, D.W. pulls out all the stops. She even calls the mayor. Talk about enterprising. When all else fails, D.W. goes for the only play she’s got left—she lies. One toy tiara and bogus call to her Bolonian nanny—more expensive than the French ones, so eat that, Emily—later, D.W. is cock of the preschool walk. Maybe D.W. should have kept her phony allowance grounded in reality—say, $1.25?—but if she’s taught us anything, it’s that we should shoot for the stars.
3. “Francine, can I ask you a question? Why don’t you go back to your own house and stop bothering us?”
If this isn’t a crowning yas queen moment, then nothing is. How many times have you been forced to play hostage host to a needy neighbor or clingy friend? And despite yawning more times than humanly possible and checking your watch with the exaggerated gusto of a silent movie actor, they still don’t get the hint?
If you can relate, look to social guru D.W. Do you think she has time for theatrical shenanigans? D.W. has problems of her own and she wants to drown her sorrows in a glass of milk and binge-watch Mary Moo Cow. Francine may be a tough cookie, but going head to head with D.W. is like bringing a knife to a gunfight.
2. “How could someone with a sister as cute as me be cursed?”
Ever had a friend or sibling so down in the doldrums they refused to take off their mopeypants? D.W. is here to tell you, don’t enable them. Instead, remind them of all the beautiful things they have in life, namely you. And come on, you have to admire D.W.’s ability to take self-confidence to an astronomical level.
Some people try to boost themselves up with the mantra, “I am enough.” D.W. rockets past that. Her mantra? “I am the best thing that ever happened to you.” Arthur may think of D.W. as a thorn in his side, but she’s actually a rose…at least according to her.
1. “I don’t care about the president. I care about ponies.”
For someone so young, D.W. sure has her priorities straight. No matter your politics, has anyone’s day ever vastly improved by watching the news? No? How about by daydreaming about ponies? D.W. rests her case.
In reality, as citizens, we should at least try to keep up with current events. But nobody expects that of a four-year-old. Why do you think D.W. has stayed one for the past two decades? If only her almighty library card gave her the power to decree that the family vacation take place at Ponyland, not the White House. Alas, life isn’t perfect. But when you’re D.W., it’s pretty close.
