As a pitch-perfect satire of both wealthy socialites and negligent mothers, Lucille Bluth is one of the funniest characters to ever hit the small screen. She could even lay claim to the title of most hilarious character on Arrested Development, and there are a lot of hilarious characters on Arrested Development.
She’s definitely the most savage. Thanks to her sharp wit and acid tongue, Lucille always has the perfect quip or comeback or insult – whatever is required to come out on top in a given situation. So, fans of Arrested Development, here are the 10 Most Savage Lucille Bluth Quotes.
“See if you can get it down to five.”
When Barry tells the Bluths that they’ll need to act like a loving and supportive family for ten minutes in court to show the jury that they’re a compassionate and relatable group of people, Lucille asks him if he can get the number of minutes down to five. It’s one of the funniest quotes from Arrested Development, because it exemplifies just how dysfunctional the Bluths are.
Most families would be happy to appear loving and supportive for any amount of time, but for Lucille (and the whole Bluth clan, probably), looking like a caring family member for ten minutes is far too long.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. No one is fighting over you.”
This is what Lucille says to Gob when he finds out that she and George, Sr. might be getting a divorce. Even though Gob is a grown man and any such divorce wouldn’t involved a settlement over custody of the kids, Lucille didn’t pass up the chance to remind Gob how little his parents care about him.
All that Gob craves in the world is attention from his father and from Michael. He doesn’t have a particular affinity for Lucille, and actually makes a lot of jokes about her, but he’s also gleefully unaware that she kind of hates him.
“That goes into storage, right? Not into your apartment.”
Lucille has never really had any respect for manual laborers. When some guys came over to her apartment to move the furniture out to make way for the decorators to come in and remodel the place, she told one of them, who was picking up an armoire or an ottoman or something equally fancy, “That goes into storage, right? Not into your apartment.”
Although contractors rarely steal from their clients, because the clients can easily report them to their supervisor and get them fired and it’s a pretty secure system, Lucille has still never trusted anyone she’s hired to do manual labor.
“She’s not real. She was made in a cup. Like soup. $130,000 cup of soup.”
There was a running joke in Arrested Development that George Michael and Maeby had an ongoing romance, despite being cousins. Throughout the whole series, they struggled with the complicated feelings they had for one another, while the show continually suggested that they weren’t actually biological cousins.
Although the season 3 finale would reveal that they weren’t, because Lindsay was adopted, the earliest suggestions were that Maeby was adopted. Lucille said that she was created through IVF, and as a result, “She’s not real. She was made in a cup. Like soup. $130,000 cup of soup.” It’s undeniably one of her most brutal lines.
“You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.”
Lucille never misses a chance to comment on Lindsay’s weight. Lindsay is actually about as thin as she could healthily be, but that’s never stopped Lucille from finding something to comment on. Once, she got really drunk and knocked over a bunch of trays of food, then quick as a whip, she mockingly apologized to Lindsay for spilling her dessert.
One time, when the two were eating at a restaurant, Lucille told Lindsay to ease off on the food and quipped, “You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.” Lindsay has her fair share of shots at Lucille, always with the perfect comeback.
“She thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers.”
Lucille always fails to see the irony in the things she says. Speaking to Maeby about her mother, and how Lindsay didn’t want Lucille to get her hooks into Maeby (one of the rare cases of Lindsay actually showing concern for her daughter’s wellbeing), Lucille said, “She thinks I’m too critical.
That’s another fault of hers.” Of course, she’s proving Lindsay right by immediately pointing out a fault – she is entirely too critical. And the fact that she mentions that it’s “another fault of hers” suggests that she has a running list of all of Lindsay’s faults in her head.
“You call him that, too?”
When it becomes apparent to Michael that he might have a long-lost sister named Nellie, he confronts Lucille about it. However, the only “Nellie” she knows is Tobias. Michael asks her about “one of your two daughters” to suggest that he’s onto her, but she just quips back, “Oh, Lindsay and Tobias never visit,” laughs hysterically, and adds, “Oh, we’re so bad!”
So, Michael clarifies that he’s talking about Lindsay and Nellie, but then Lucille goes even further with it and says, “You call him that, too? It’s so nice to be able to talk like this.” All he uncovered is that Lucille has a savage nickname for her son-in-law.
“Take it back! If I wanted something your thumb touched, I’d eat the inside of your ear.”
Lucille was furious when she had her golf privileges revoked from the country club. She was only allowed to sit by the pool, where she ordered a drink and some food. She only became more incensed when the waiter arrived and she saw that his thumb was pressed against the rim of the glass.
She erupted into a fit of fury that left the sunbathers sitting either of side of her with their jaws on the floor. As soon as she saw the guy’s thumb touching the glass, she yelled, “Take it back! If I wanted something your thumb touched, I’d eat the inside of your ear.”
“I don’t care for Gob.”
Family Guy is often criticized for its lazy use of cutaway gags in the place of plot development, but Arrested Development is a prime example of how to use cutaway gags right. Immediately after insisting to Michael that she loves all of her children equally, the show cuts to Lucille, earlier that day, saying, “I don’t care for Gob.”
It became a running gag throughout every season of Arrested Development that Gob is by far Lucille’s least favorite child. She can’t resist insulting Lindsay at every opportunity and she’s even thought about killing Buster, but she really doesn’t like Gob.
“That…B***H!”
Lucille Bluth and Lucille Austero are the ultimate frenemies. Sometimes, they seem like they’re genuine friends, but most of the time, they’re passive-aggressive to each other’s faces and brutally blunt behind each other’s backs.
Lucille Austero, often called “Lucille 2,” lives across the hall from Lucille Bluth, and whenever the latter even mentions the former’s name when she’s in her apartment, she can’t help but shout out, “That…B***H!,” which her neighbor probably can’t even hear. She’s gotten so used to doing it that on one occasion, she even uses it when she’s at the model home, miles away from Lucille Austero.
