When it comes to adult animation shows, Archer has become a unique and beloved series. While it follows the hijinks of the entire spy agency, the true star of the show is Sterling Archer himself. A complete James Bond parody, Archer is arrogant, drunk, selfish, obsessed with the opposite gender, and somehow amazing at his job. In later seasons, he’s mellowed out and become a decent enough boyfriend to Lana and father to Abbiejean. However, those self-righteous, fumbling principles haven’t left him.
And with those principles came his incessant pick-up lines across the seasons. Some are classics, some are wildly inappropriate, and some are both.
Here are 10 Of Sterling’s Most Inappropriate Pick-Up Lines.
A Radical Disguise
Full Quote (1.2):
On a mission to protect a British nobleman from Irish assassination, Archer goes on a series of inappropriate offenses: He gets completely wasted, disregards the nobleman, and spends a bunch of time flirting with the husky woman that keeps following the British nobleman around.
Archer doesn’t even realize she is a he in disguise, trying to assassinate the British guy. He just keeps flirting, regardless, and accidentally foils the IRA plot to murder the noble. Even if the results were largely favorable, this come-on was inappropriate on so many levels.
Janelle The Pie Wife
Full Quote (3.9):
This pick-up line is wrong on so many levels. Not only is the pie baker married, but she’s also Ray’s sister in law. Since Ray is a fellow agent, Sterling should show enough restraint to not touch her. This is Sterling Archer, though, so what else would fans expect?
The real kicker, though, is that they are in the middle of a fight between police and Ray’s family.
Considering Janelle and Randy turn out to be drug dealers, the constant flirting only made the situation worse. Janelle and Archer don’t even end up sleeping together but the situation still feels all sorts of wrong.
Pam In The Bathroom
Full Quote (3.10):
Archer’s drunkenness and love of sex have always hindered his secret agent work just as much as it helped. In the episode “Crossing Over,” they really don’t help. In his negligence, the man that might be his father dies because he’s not on the job. Instead, he was boinking Pam.
Yep, you heard that right.
Despite his general dislike of Pam, during this episode, he seems to have gone full throttle into taking all the sex he can get. This includes the HR lady who makes up gross words and is an amazing street fighter. Though Sterling argues with Pam and is rude to her, he also inappropriately propositions her in the bathroom. The rest of the episode follows with a lot of funny, uncomfortable, and drunken shame. Except for Pam; she’s always wonderfully shameless.
False Proposition
Full Quote (2.6):
Before their Season 3 tryst, Archer does lay quite a few fake pick-ups and offers on Pam. However, he isn’t the kindest guy, so he follows them up to say he’d need to die drinking to want to do the deed.
Joke’s on Sterling, as he asked Pam for favors only a season later.
In all seriousness, Pam is his co-worker, and the HR manager to boot. He probably shouldn’t be saying that to her. Granted, any serious HR manager would probably quit on the spot, having to deal with all the workplace violations at ISIS.
Underage Anka
Full Quote (2.1):
This Season 2 opener is a surprising pickle for Archer: He’s greatly attracted to the woman they’re supposed to protect. That’s normally awesome until he finds out she’s 16.
That only makes his first comment on her picture all the more inappropriate, but lucky for fans, Archer backpedals the second he knows her age. Unfortunately for Archer, Anka does not. She spends all episode desperately trying to get Archer in bed with her. Bet he regrets ever wanting to be her bodyguard, huh?
Lana, Your Eyes Are Amazing…
“Skorpio” is an episode of inappropriate situations for the record books, but of course Archer is at the center of it. Between his and Lana’s threesome with an arms dealer (including a lot of chocolate), the whole experience is a pile of bad ideas.
However, despite the liquid cocoa tryst, Archer’s peak bad pick-up line this episode involved trying to woo Lana. Somehow, instead of anything really romantic, Archer word-vomited this beauty.
No wonder their relationship always seemed to be perpetually on and off for so many seasons.
A Wooden Encounter With Katya
Full Quote (4.5):
Once upon a time (AKA Season 2), Archer fell madly in love with Katya Kazanova, a KGB agent that defected to America. After some self-sacrifices, robotic rebuilding, and Barry, the two parted and have only had tumultuous run-ins for years.
When Katya comes to Archer when Barry’s missing (in space), he is more than happy to be a shoulder to cry on. A bit too happy, perhaps. Instead of ignoring the problem, Sterling decides to utter the above inappropriate pick-up when an ex is grieving her lover.
Though, splitting up Katya and Barry would always make Sterling happy, regardless of how he felt about Katya.
Cheryl’s Introduction
Full Quote (1.1):
In the first episode of Archer, the title character was introduced with quite a few paramours. Not only was he still attracted to his beautiful ex, Lana Kane, but he also was in a relationship with ISIS’ secretary, Cheryl. While not entirely a pick-up, all episode he was wildly obsessed with saying the phrase “just the tip” to her. It didn’t matter if it was intimate or not, it was his thing.
However, the fact she was lactose intolerant made that ice cream a little more uncomfortable and inappropriate.
Seriously, Pam was terrible at helping keep all the workplace relationships at ISIS professional. But after 10 seasons, what else do we expect?
The Arrogant Offer
Full Quote (1.10):
According to Archer, he is irresistible. No come-on shows that more than this Season 1 gem. Despite being tied up by enemies, Sterling banks on his raw appeal to get him out of the situation. According to Sterling, if his captives really wanted to, they could do that while he was tied up, right?
Either way, considering Sterling’s life is at stake and he shouldn’t want to tick these guys off, bold and wildly inappropriate move, Sterling Archer. Not at all surprising, but still.
I Do (But I Don’t)
Full Quote (5.1):
Lana decides, after a bunch of dumb dating peril, that she wants to move forward with her life on her own; that includes having a baby. While pregnant, Archer and her go on a mission. To distract the bad guys, Starling seems to suddenly turn tender and ask her to marry him mid-mission. Lana rejects him coldly, but when he reveals he was faking it the entire time, she’s only more annoyed.
Though it worked, way to alienate your co-worker, Archer.
Between being on a mission and the fact Lana had enough on her mind, it was absolutely inappropriate to pull even a fake proposal. If only his dumb ploys didn’t work so effectively.
